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TITLE - Appearances Can Be Deceiving

Author - angelina1210 & riotousricochet


GENRE/PAIRING - M/M Castiel/Dean Winchester


WARNINGS - Anxiety Attacks, Past Homophobia


SUMMARY -  Reality rears its ugly head for Castiel. Please note that this is an angst heavy chapter and I suggest listening to “Take Me to Church” by Hozier before, during and after reading.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYSVMgRr6pw

The alarm went off at six in the morning, as usual, and Dean smacked it, as usual. He reached out, dragging Castiel into his arms as he mumbled something about five more minutes. More than happy to snooze as well, Cas nuzzled into Dean’s neck and breathed in his dark scent. He smelled best in the morning, Cas thought, when their passion had time to soak into his skin and cool into something mouthwatering. Yes, Dean smelled best before sunrise.

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Edition 3,083

Originally posted by waterofthemoon at Edition 3,083
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Coping with Hellatus - 5 Stages of Grief from BuddyTV linked by kate_mct
S9 premiering in the UK on E4 January 6 linked by kate_mct
TV Guide behind the scenes video of the Impala posted by kate_mct
PopSugar: Best Show On CW in 2014 linked by kate_mct
Jensen wins E! Online's overlooked CW stars Golden Globe nomination poll posted by kate_mct

Fanfic: Sam/Dean
Wrapped in Honey 27/49 by lady_emebalia (NC-17)
Christmas Cabin 1/3 by virtualpersonal and brimstonegold (NC-17)

Fanfic: Other Slash
Appearances Can Be Deceiving 16/? by angelina1210 and riotousricochet (Dean/Castiel, NC-17)

Fanfic: Het
Hunter's Heart Chronicles - Chapter Two 1/? by deans_arie and deans_fetish (Dean/OFC, NC-17)

Fanfic: Other
Stole Soul Picnic 11/? by ramblin_rosie (Stargate crossover; Dean/Lisa, Henry/Josie; PG-13)
Army of Cain (Darkness Is Coming) - Blood Ties 3/? by silverruffian (Dean/Morgan Le Fay/Camille, R)

Fanfic: RPF
Crowded Lonely Night by rockstarpeach (Jared/Jensen, PG)

Jared/Jensen hair playing fic recs by simplybeing at
T-shirt rec and another rec by kate_mct
Jared/Jensen college roommates fic recs by simplybeing at

Jared from VanCon 2014 by raloria

Misha promoting his new Random Acts t-shirt posted by kate_mct
Katie Sarife's A Christmas Story homage posted by kate_mct
Briana Buckmaster's husband and daughter with a snowperson posted by kate_mct

Jody and Donna - The Spin-off Promo by justmep2
TITLE - Appearances Can Be Deceiving

Author - angelina1210 & riotousricochet


GENRE/PAIRING - M/M Castiel/Dean Winchester


WARNINGS - Anxiety Attacks, Past Domestic Abuse


SUMMARY -  After his painful reveal, Dean ask Castiel to make love with him.

They sat in silence for a few moments, each studying the other. Dean searched Castiel’s eyes for just a hint of his thoughts on his confession. He’d seen so many things in those eyes over the last few weeks - humor and sorrow, surprize and confusion, desire and joy. But he wasn’t looking for any of those things, so insignificant now compared to the emotion he so desperately hoped to find.

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TITLE - Appearances Can Be Deceiving

Author - angelina1210 & riotousricochet


GENRE/PAIRING - M/M Castiel/Dean Winchester


WARNINGS - Anxiety Attacks, Past Domestic Abuse


SUMMARY - Dean seeks out Cas for help but finds something he isn't expecting.

"Hello, you've reached Castiel Novak. I'm not availab- "

A ragged sob tore from Dean's throat and he pushed end on his cell almost hard enough to break the damn thing in two. It was the third time in a row that the call had gone straight to Cas' voice mail and Dean was quickly crossing the threshold from desperate to hysterical.

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TITLE - Appearances Can Be Deceiving
Author - angelina1210 & riotousricochet
PG to R
GENRE/PAIRING - M/M Castiel/Dean Winchester
Anxiety Attacks, Past Domestic Abuse

4000 WIP
SUMMARY - Dean seeks out Cas for help but finds something he isn't expecting

"Hello, you've reached Castiel Novak. I'm not availab- "

A ragged sob tore from Dean's throat and he pushed end on his cell almost hard enough to break the damn thing in two. It was the third time in a row that the call had gone straight to Cas' voice mail and Dean was quickly crossing the threshold from desperate to hysterical.

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TITLE - Appearances Can Be Deceiving
Author - angelina1210 & riotousricochet
GENRE/PAIRING - M/M Castiel/Dean Winchester
SUMMARY - Thanksg
iving at the Singer's is way awesome.

Shuffling in the passenger seat caught Dean’s attention as he made the turn into Bobby’s neighborhood. Cas had untied his tie, again, and was trying to make the poor knot perfect. He had been able to talk Cas out of baking a huge casserole, but he would not budge on dress code. Dean chuckled low in his throat, but didn’t mention it this time. At least there weren't any shoes for Cas to throw his way; he had learned the hard way just how sensitive Castiel was about first impressions.

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TITLE - Appearances Can Be Deceiving
Author - angelina1210 & riotousricochet
GENRE/PAIRING - M/M Castiel/Dean Winchester
Some homophobia, Emotional Cruelty
000 WIP
SUMMARY - Cas gets some much needed TLC.

Cas loosened his tie as he merged back onto the expressway. His boiling rage was simmering into apathetic acceptance, but he knew it would eventually cool into bitter self-loathing. It always did.

The phone calls and text messages began about half way home and he was glad his cell was trapped on the passenger side floor. The insistent buzzing made the phone dance around and out of reach and he was in no mood to listen to eloquent apologies or lamentable pleas for second chances. He wanted to wallow in the self-destructive musing of his father’s rejection. Was he really such a loathsome creature that a father’s love would be forever unattainable? Could not all his years of self-imposed abstinence in the name of church and family be enough to make them see him for more than this one flaw, this one deviation?

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TITLE - Appearances Can Be Deceiving
Author - angelina1210 & riotousricochet
GENRE/PAIRING - M/M Castiel/Dean Winchester
Some homophobia, Emotional Cruelty
- We meet Castiel's father. He is cruel so please be prepared.

The text Cas had sent Dean in the middle of his weekly poker game was typed as he sat in the driver’s seat of his car, still parked in his driveway, with his heart thudding nervously and his stomach churning. Dean had asked if Cas was still planning on having dinner with his family and Cas’ clipped reply:

[Spoiler (click to open)]

[text] I am on my way to my father’s house. I will expect prompt repayment for this.

came as a direct result of Cas’ on-edge nerves. He understood where Dean was coming from; he knew that on some deeply buried level that family was important. They were the people that were supposed to know you the best, the people that would look out for you no matter what. But Cas had never had any substantial evidence from his own family that they were capable of behaving in such a way. And if Dean was going to make him do this, even if Cas wasn’t entirely sure that it wouldn’t end in a complete and utter disaster, then he expected some sort of reimbursement, hopefully in the form of an extra-long makeout session.

Cas let out a slow breath, trying to get himself back under control, and turned the keys in the ignition.The drive to his father’s house was about an hour long and arduous with the rush of early evening traffic and Cas felt his anxiety level reaching higher and higher the closer he got to his childhood home.

He thought back to his last few minutes before leaving. He'd ruined the knot in his navy blue silk tie three times before Meg finally intervened. The double Windsor was not his favorite, but Meg was determined to add the extra flare.

Dean’s answering text arrived as Cas pulled into his father's long driveway, and reading what he wrote sent a flush of heat burning straight down to Cas' gut. He thought that maybe this family dinner would all be worth it after all:

[text] Whatever you want, baby. Just name it.

As Cas pulled into his father's driveway, Meg's words echoed in his head. "Dean must be one hell of a fuck if it took him just a week to get you to agree to this." He'd frowned and let her ignore his admonition on the vulgarity of her statement. He would not let her know how right she was or that the man had certainly carved a place for himself in Cas' heart already.

He took a cleansing breath and stepped out of his car. He pulled his trench coat tighter against the cold breeze, dropped his keys in a pocket and made his way to the front door. He could do this. He could slip back into his position in the Novak Family Hierarchy. He did it before and he could do it again.

Standing at the large oak door, Cas brought up a trembling fist and rapped twice, hoping that maybe no one would hear him knocking and he could just go back home. But of course, he could never be that lucky.

The door swung open, spilling a warm, spuriously inviting light out onto the stoop, bracketing Cas’ brother, Gabriel, in an ethereal glow. A shocked expression flashed across Gabe’s face before immediately being replaced by a dazzling and wide grin.

“Casserole!” he shouted, overly bright. “What a surprise!”

Cas grimaced at the nickname, but nodded politely. “I hope I’m not imposing,” he said, “But Balthazar extended me an invitation yesterday.”

Gabe’s grin widened considerably, an impish gleam sparking in his golden-whiskey eyes, and Cas felt his stomach drop. “Well, yeah, but I’m pretty sure that wasn’t the first time he’s asked you over.” He folded his arms across his chest and leaned against the doorjamb. “What made you change your mind?”

Cas’ shoulders sagged almost imperceptibly and settled his hands in the pockets of his trench coat, balling them to fists where Gabe couldn’t see. “I’ve decided that it’s important to take the measures necessary to try and mend the broken bridges between all of us that I was the cause of. I want to try and make things right.”

Gabe was quiet for a moment, studying Cas’ face intently, before he pushed away from the doorframe, flinging his arms wide. “Sounds good enough for me!” he shouted, pulling Cas in for an awkward hug.

Cas breathed out a relieved sigh as Gabe ushered him into the foyer, but knew that his older brothers would be the least of his worries. He could hear voices coming from the library; Luc and Balthazar for sure and Anna as well.

Cas removed his coat and hung it on the rack before following Gabe into the library with the others. The anxiety crawling over his skin eased slightly when only three faces turned to greet him. Of course Father was making them wait. All things in Father's time as usual.

He did not expect the welcome he received. All three faces turned as they entered and the conversation died. Balthazar smiled wearily as Anna rushed to Cas for an overdue embrace. Surprisingly, Lucifer was close on her heels and held Cas at arm’s length.

Tears filled Anna's eyes as she watched Luc's face melt into relief before holding his brother close. "Thought we lost you forever, Castiel."

Last came Balthazar and his knowing smile. "Thank you for coming, love." Cas felt most at home with B at his side. Perhaps this wouldn't be as horrible as expected.

The group murmured laughing endearments and gentle admonishments for missed phone calls and unreturned text messages. Unity flowed through the room and wrapped the siblings is a temporary bubble of camaraderie and affection.

But that thrill of harmony died quickly as Father's voice floated into the room, catching all of them off guard. "Ah, my prodigal son returns to us."

Cas could feel the group splinter as they parted to allow Father to greet his youngest son. Castiel held his breath, his hands shaking again as butterflies threatened to fly out of his mouth. Here was the moment he feared, the moment he was laid bare against his will and was at his utmost vulnerable.

Father's icy smile circled his loyal children, skipped Castiel and then he was gone, vanishing with the turn of a heel. The moment he shared with his siblings evaporated and, with it, Cas' hopes for a peaceful renewal. As the others followed their patriarch into the dining room, Cas squared his shoulders.

Let the battle begin.

He made his way into the dining room and seated himself at his place at the table, the place he had sat nearly his whole life. The long table was just as he remembered it; a family heirloom table runner ran the length of it, with two candelabras lit with a bevy of tapered candles shining brightly into the wood paneled dining room situated precisely equidistant apart. The antique silverware and cutlery lining the table had been in the Novak family for decades and glinted sharply in the candlelight. Cas sighed as he sat, instantly bogged down in the suffocating nostalgic and pretentious feel of it all.

He glanced around the table as the waitstaff, after consulting Father, bustled around the dining room, obviously set to a frenzy at having to set an additional place for the unannounced guest. He tried to catch the eye of his brothers and sister, letting his gaze linger at each of them in an attempt to gauge their current feelings of him suddenly being there after he had been absent for so long.

Gabe gave him a minute twitch of his lips, Anna smiled at him outright, Balthazar gave him a gracious nod, and Lucifer grinned at him with a feral smirk that made Cas want to shrink down under the table.

But before he could even move an inch, a group of black clad waiters surrounded the table, setting a tumbler of gold liquid before each of them. Cas looked down at the glass, picking it up curiously and bringing it up to his nose. The harsh tang of cheap brandy burned in his nostrils and he drew it away, looking over at Father with a questioning glance. Cas knew that his father spared no expense when it came to liquor, knew that the cellar housed a collection of the finest, most expensive spirits from all over the world. So why the cheap cup of bottom shelf whiskey?

Father abruptly stood, holding his glass aloft, and everyone at the table followed suit, bringing up their tumblers but remaining seated. “I’d like to make a toast,” Father began, his deep voice resonating through the dining room. Cas hesitantly held his glass up, feeling a growing sense of unease settle like a stone in his stomach. “To my long lost son,” Father continued, smoothing a hand down his wide barrel chest, “who has been returned to the flock like a disobedient lamb who has learned the error of his ways, who has learned the value of a humble heart, and for whom I only desire the very best in life. To Castiel.” He brought the glass to his mouth, his eyes entreating the others to do the same, with a look that brooked no argument.

Cas looked to his family around him, watching as each of them adverted their gaze from him as they dutifully drank, and slowly brought his glass to his lips. His eyes settled on his father then, still standing at the head of the table, watching Castiel with a look of barely concealed contempt glittering in his deep blue eyes. Cas opened his mouth, letting the liquor pour in, and nearly choked on the repugnant bitterness of it burning down to his stomach like liquid fire.

He ran the back of his hand across his lips after he had swallowed it all, not daring to leave a drop behind lest he suffer anymore of Father’s wrath than was necessary, clearly understanding his father’s liquor choice for the toast. Of course it would be the cheapest, most disappointing brandy he could find. Of course it would be.

Cas set his glass down, trying desperately to keep Dean’s words in his head, to remind himself that family was important. He forced a tight smile to his mouth and thanked the waiter that set his food before him, feeling that if he could just get through dinner he could at least tell Dean that he did his best.

He looked down at his plate and felt his stomach churn again. It was as if Father knew he was coming as a plate of lamb chops was placed before each at the table. Across from him, Anna’s face paled and, beside him, Gabriel mouthed “he didn’t know” and gave a subtle negative shake of his head.  Only B seemed as disturbed by the meal as he was and stared at his plate for several seconds before finally picking up his fork.

A tense silence filled the space broken only by the quiet scraping of utensil to plate or muffled bump of glass to table. Cas felt the suffocation of anxiety close his throat and dropped his fork drawing the unwanted attention of the entire table. Across from Gabe, Balthazar cleared his throat, pulling the group to himself.

“Anna, darling,” he said, his voice much more cheerful than expected, “how is the annual food drive going?”

Clamoring for the opportunity to speak about her favorite charity, Anna immediately regaled to table with the first week’s progress and the goals set for this year. “If this excitement continues, we should almost double last year’s goal! Imagine how many more families we will feed this Thanksgiving,” she sighed almost wistfully.

Cas smiled at sweet Anna who always had such devotion for those less fortunate than herself.

“Isn’t it wonderful what can be accomplished if you just keep up the pursuit.” Cas jumped at Luc’s comment and shot narrowed eyes down to that end of the table. Luc sat at Father’s left and the empty chair to the right waited for Michael. “Don’t you think, Castiel?” B discreetly stepped on Luc’s foot who grimaced for a moment before his smile slithered back into place.

Viper, Cas thought again of his second oldest brother. He was loyal but only to whomever had the most to offer. At this moment, Cas was not that person. He suddenly wished Mike was home from the state capital. He sided with Father but at least he was gentle in his condemnation.

Gabe immediately filled the gap in conversation by praising Anna and then asking B about his art gallery.

“Years in Europe were not wasted,” B laughed, his charm a well honed defense mechanism. “Sales have steadily increased since I took over and we have attracted the attention of a new up-and-coming artist. We will host a show after the holidays.”

“Do tell, B old buddy,” Gabe interrupted, “is she a hot one?” He waggled his eyebrows making Anna giggle and even Luc smile. Father continued his meal as if there were no others at the table.

In his element now, B leaned forward to speak. “He is working on a collection of nudes at the moment. He claims to feel the need to display the beauty of skin in all colors and textures. He is using the same model but in several different poses and mediums.”

“Sounds like serious dedication,” Luc quipped and took a sip of his wine.

B frowned slightly but continued unimpeded. “The young man he is using as a model, an African American with albinism, was very shy at first but seems to have warmed to the idea of different versions of himself breaking old stereotypes. Quite a brave soul.”

“I’m sure our little lamb would enjoy that collection. Young men and variety are favorites of his, as I recall.”

The entire room, wait staff and siblings alike, turned to the head of the table and stared at Father in disbelief. They had each inherited a trait directly from him; Michael was gifted with persuasion, Luc with his venomous smile, Gabe received quick wit, Balthazar charm and Anna, her beautiful red hair. Castiel was cursed with his father’s frozen blue eyes.

The original blue eyes, hard as ice, danced with malicious amusement now as Father continued, leaning his elbows forward on the table to steeple his hands before his mouth imposingly, “Tell us, Castiel, what have you been up to since giving up on your reformation and penance?”

Cas swallowed thickly and cleared his throat, casting his eyes down to his plate. He had only ever wanted to please his father, to make him proud. It was a like he had been hardwired to take the abuse heaped upon him, to shoulder that burden with a quiet acceptance and still find it in himself to offer up an apology for his behavior, even when he had done nothing wrong.

But Father had always found so many things wrong in his youngest son, hadn’t he, as if he were aware of Castiel’s preference in the same sex before he became aware himself. And he never failed to make sure Cas knew exactly what the grievances were and how disappointed each one made him, with Cas’ leaving the church now residing at the very top of that list.

Cas picked up his fork again, licking his lips nervously as he answered Father’s question: “I was hired on as an accountant for Abram, Miller & Simmons, CPA. They recently entrusted me with their biggest account, Ravago Manufacturing. I moved into the corner office last week.”

Luc snorted out a snide laugh, and Cas immediately looked over at him, barely restraining himself from flinching back at the vindictive glint in Luc’s cobalt eyes. “You mean to tell me there’s a job that you’re devoted to? A job that you’re actually not planning on bailing out on? What an absolutely miraculous concept!”

Father sat back in his chair as Luc spoke, the very picture of fatherly pride with his hands clasped over his chest, casting a barely concealed look of spite in Cas’ direction. Panic began to flood through Cas’ chest with each thrumming beat of his heart - he hadn’t expected this dinner to go smoothly, but he had thought that he might have gotten through it with maybe just a little bit of his dignity intact. Family is important, family is important; he kept repeating Dean’s words like a crazed mantra in an effort to calm his wildly rampant nerves, but quickly found himself floundering.

He nodded haltingly at Luc’s words, once again accepting the harsh and unending chastisement for leaving the church and abandoning his vows. “Strangely enough,” he said with a weak laugh, “I’ve found that it is something I am good at.” He was good at his job. He was better than his father or brother gave him credit for. He was not the sniveling failure they painted him to be, right?

“I think that sounds promising, Cassie,” Balthazar began only to be cut off by Luc.

“You would pile on the praise, Balthazar. Sometimes I wonder where your fealty lies.”

Gabe jumped in to the defense. With a tilt of his head and a smirk he began, “Luci,” Lucifer’s least favorite nickname, “be nice. You’re carrying a pretty big bag of dicks around you neck there, bro.”

Luc pursed his lips thoughtfully, “Perhaps I should pass one to Castiel. He seems to prefer their company to ours.”

Cas immediately paled, his stomach rolling in a sickened slide. "E - Excuse me?" he asked, hoping against hope that he had misunderstood Luc's meaning. If there was one thing he absolutely never wanted to bring up with his family again, it was his sexual orientation, especially since he knew how deeply it angered Father.

"Dicks, Cas. I said 'you prefer dicks to the company of your own family'." He grinned cruelly and leaned forward, his voice dropping to a vicious whisper, "I am right, aren't I? I mean, just admit it, you would rather be indulging in your abhorrent and unnatural lust right now than sitting here having dinner with your own family. Right?" Luc spat the words at Cas, earning a pleased nod from Father.

The words stung Cas as harshly as if he had been slapped and he felt all his breath leave his lungs in one strangled push. He quickly gained his feet, staggering back from the table roughly enough to nearly knock his chair back into the wall behind him. He heard Anna begin to cry and glanced over at Gabe and Balthazar, who looked as appalled as Cas felt. “I’m sorry,” he whispered brokenly. He opened his mouth wide against the tightness in his jaw and throat, coughed and tried again. “I’m sorry I’m not what you all wanted… not … I’m…”

He took another deep breath. "I - I apologize for ruining Sunday dinner," he rasped, and fled the room, unbearable shame and embarrassment suffocating him in a smothering squeeze. He could hear the arguing erupting between his brothers, the sound nearly drowning out Father’s last words for him, “We should have Castiel over more often. He is so entertaining.”

Cas grabbed his coat from the rack in the foyer blindly, throwing it on over his trembling shoulders and storming out of the house, somehow making it to his car without vomiting. He threw himself into the driver's seat, choking off a sob before it could make its way out of his throat, and fished his cell from his coat pocket. He didn't trust his voice not to break if he called Dean, but he needed him to know how completely wrong he had been.

Hurt and anger and heartbreaking anguish crested over Cas in a devastating wave, crushing him with its excruciating weight, and felt the first tear of many track down his cheek as he willed his fingers to stop trembling long enough to type out a text message:

[text] If you ever presume to tell me how important family is at any point in the future, I swear I will never speak to you again.

He tossed his phone into the passenger seat and growled when it bounced and fell on the floor, his emotions finally bursting forth with a violent attack on his steering wheel.  Gasping for breath and feeling mildly sated, he started his car, peeling out of the long, pretentiously manicured driveway without ever sparing a glance to his rearview mirror.